Am I a robot

For a while now my partner has been blaming me for our relationship issues and more and more often reasons that it is all related to my unresolved past of an alcoholic child. She asked me to read a book about it. Most of it doesn't really resonate with me but there was one chapter that made me think. "Yes, it's true that your mother/father did/said those terrible things. But you must understand that he/she was drunk." The implications of this double-bind message are especially destructive to you when you are in an intimate relationship. Your unconscious tells you that if you can find an explanation for inexcusable behavior, you must believe that the behavior is excusable. In the family system affected by alcoholism, the alcoholic is rarely held accountable for his or her behavior. More likely, the child hears from the other parent, "What did you expect from a drunk?" Or, in early family recovery, "You have to understand that your father/mother has a dis...

Many many years ago, when my daughter was about to be born I though about a hypothetical very difficult decision. To cut the long story short my partner was taken to an emergency cesarean and I was left alone in a small utility room waiting. The hospital was being renovated and I think they didn't have a better place to store me. I spent, what felt like hours, pacing two steps one way and back. Thinking. No one came to tell me what was happening so this was the only thing I could do. Obviously my brain started to invent all sorts of dramatic situations. What is they both die? What is someone comes and tells me they can only help one of them and I have to choose? What would I do? At this point in time I didn't know my daughter yet. I spent most of my life with my partner and the decision was clear to me. I would have picked my partner to be saved. Children are extremely important to me and I would give my life for them but an unborn child is... not a child yet? This is harsh but...